Is This Thing On?!?

I've recently made a vow not to watch the news or read the paper anymore, because I just end up getting bent out of shape. The morons of yesteryear have birthed a hideously dim version of themselves, a sort of alpha-cretin that is the pure essence of pointy-headedness, that has gotten hold of the Gearshift of Power and is running amok like a coked-up orangutan in the White House. There's a part of me that whispers seductively in my ear not to worry about it, just buy the biggest SUV you can and have it converted to use endangered species as fuel (cut out the middlemen at Exxon), find a big-titted, 3/4 plastic failed-actress exotic-dancing LA trophy wife and stick it to everyone in reach to get what I need to maintain my lifestyle. Then there's just the part that's smart and slightly noble that says I'm happy where I am, but I'd still like to get ol' George W.'s wrinkly nut-sack in a vice and twist it until he hollers and agrees to listen to the people who are smarter than him, which includes everyone from Condolezza Rice on down to the lowest yeast-infection in a porn-stars flapping genetalia.

Testing, testing...is this thing on? This has been a test of the emergency political-angst system…